I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
