no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize