THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
