Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize