Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize