Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
