Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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