She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
