I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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