My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
