Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
