Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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