I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize