after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize