you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
