This beer is not sobering me up at all
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
