He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize