Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my liver is dry heaving
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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