He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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