Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
