Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
