so explain again why im purple
no
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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