i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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