I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
