i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
