Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
