My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
