are you still at the devil's house?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
