I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
