Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
