Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
