i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
