You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
