THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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