I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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