You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize