watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
