The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
