Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
