the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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