At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
