I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
