Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
