it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
