she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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