24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
