How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
