Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
