Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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