Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
