I cannot find my penis.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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