You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
