A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
