The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
