i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize