So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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