ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
