Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
