I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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