The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
