It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
