Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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