I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
