got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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