I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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